Navigating Hell's Labyrinth: Overcoming Self-Generated Pressure
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Learn to separate self-worth from success to reduce unnecessary, harmful pressure you place on yourself. Better access actionable insights, enhance your self-awareness, and gain greater clarity and flow in your life.
In Part 1 of this series, “Transforming Resistance to Empower Conscious Living,” we looked at how going into resistance about any aspect of what we’re experiencing – essentially denying reality — generates unnecessary and disruptive pressure that impairs our leadership capacity.
We then worked on transforming our approach to challenging circumstances in service of freeing ourselves from the draining pressure that denying reality creates.
In Part 2, we’re looking “under the hood” to see how else we can stop generating unnecessary pressure on ourselves, so that we are free to be high functioning conscious leaders. Remember, we are ever evolving, working toward a more conscious way of being and leading. We’re learning as we go.
Let’s start with the ideal. When conscious leaders are inspired to work toward a goal, that can be the start of a grand adventure. Working hard and achieving levels of success toward that goal can be challenging, and thus, rewarding.
The Conscious Leader’s Journey: From Challenges to Success
If we hit a wall, we can take stock of how we got there, learn more about the wall and ourselves, and plan our next steps. We may even find that we reach the upper limits of what we’re capable of at a given point of our development. A conscious leader celebrates that pinnacle and explores what might be required to reach the next summit.
One way we can pressurize our lives is to unknowingly equate the success of our project with our worth. This sets the stage for us to suffer, and maybe those around us, too.
The Self-Worth and Success Equation: A Pressure Trap
How so? If we need to reach a goal because we think we will impress others enough to finally become worthy in their eyes, that will be very stressful because there will be so much on the line (our self-worth) that we will be living with the ongoing tension of seeking and needing their approval — an ongoing cycle of self-generated pressure.
When we make the quality and success of our work about our worth, every step and misstep is internally perceived to carry great consequence. That’s a lot of pressure to place on ourselves. But we can certainly free ourselves of this.
Making other people’s opinions a measure of our self-worth is a fool’s errand, anyway, because even if we do succeed, there’s no guarantee that anyone will notice or give us the recognition we want.
I’ve seen too many examples of employees feeling trapped between a rock and a hard place when they had leaders whose self-worth was tied not only to the team’s success, but the need to be right most of the time.
Talented team members felt enormous pressure and hesitated expressing opposing views because leaders couldn’t readily receive the feedback. Without the benefit of their teams’ expertise, the odds of project success were lower, increasing the odds of a negative impact on the leader’s self-worth.
Recognizing the Consequences: How Leadership Pressure Affects Teams
In this series, the situational backdrop we’ve been using is that we’re in the middle of a major project for an important customer. Success with this project will raise the likelihood that we’ll get substantial ongoing business from the customer — a big step in our company’s growth.
Things are on track to meet the customer’s tight time frame; but then, our magnificent project leader unexpectedly resigns and the project’s success is in question.
If we’ve “identified with” the project — unknowingly made the project’s success about our worth instead of the project simply being a vehicle that serves our customers and our company — we will be bringing intense pressure upon ourselves, because we’ll think that “we” are on the line.
Fear and pressure muddles our ability to think clearly and respond wisely, further putting the project in jeopardy.
We likely won’t know why we’re so affected and that is why raising our awareness around what’s really going on within us is imperative. This is where a practice of slowing things down to see far more clearly comes in.
Slowing Down: The Key to Understanding Internal Pressure
At the heart of this process is becoming aware of all our rapid-fire thoughts that precede the fear and pressure reactions arising within us.
We can illuminate what’s driving our strong emotional reactions by walking through our experience, step-by-step. With each step, we’ll see with greater clarity and depth the source of the fear driving the pressure; and seeing it will begin to ease the pressure.
Let’s walk through this process with an imaginary CEO to demonstrate how we can examine our lightning-fast thoughts and get to the bottom of what’s truly impacting us.
Following the thread deeper into our thinking, we’ll see how we make situations be about ourselves instead of what they truly are —just situations that need to be addressed.
Uncovering the Fear: A Step-By-Step Walkthrough with an Imaginary CEO
The first thought might be, “Without our project leader, we’re not going to meet the deadline.”
And what’s the problem with that?
- “If we miss the deadline, our customer will be pissed.”
And what’s the worst thing that could happen if you disappoint your customer?
- “They won’t give us all of those additional contracts.”
And what’s the problem with that?
- “We won’t take that big leap.”
And what’s the worst thing that could happen if you don’t take that big leap?
- “Do you know how hard it was to just get here? I’m exhausted and feel stuck at this level. No progress, perpetually spinning my wheels. I thought this time it was going to be different.”
And what are you not going to get that you so very much have wanted?
- “Recognition from my industry, my friends. Rest from the constant pressure of treading water. Enough money to have things I want. I guess there’s also a part of me that thinks that even though I know I have had success, I haven’t ever really felt successful or good enough. I also thought this would finally make my father proud of me. It’s all really painful.”
What do we take from this descent into our CEO’s psyche? One thing is that, like most of us, he’s not readily in touch with what’s really going on within himself, which gets in the way of seeing the situation clearly, and ultimately responding to it wisely.
It took six steps with prompts for him to get to the heart of the matter. The more steps or layers there are between us and what’s really going on, the more likely we are to have strong and lasting reactions to our challenging situations.
The Imperative of Clarity and Awareness in Leadership
As conscious leaders, we must ensure that our communication, decisions, and actions do not become compromised in this way so that we do not put ourselves and our companies at risk. Rather, leading with enhanced clarity and awareness will place us in the best mode of generating success for our teams, our companies, and ourselves.
Applying Awareness Practice to Real Leadership Situations: A Guided Reflection
Now, let’s directly apply this to ourselves and walk through how we can become more aware of what’s driving us in a problematic situation. Think of a current or recent situation in which you felt a strong, destabilizing reaction that prevented you from being at your best. Take your time with each step.
What is the situation?
- And what’s the problem with that?
- And what’s the worst thing that could happen if things stay this way?
- And what’s the problem with that?
- What are the really important things you’re afraid you’ll lose or not get?
- You’ll know when you’ve touched something deep within you, like fear, anger, or sadness. There are even times when you may find that there’s fear but see that it’s absurd. A child’s fear. You may laugh. Or you may find joy or freedom. Whatever it is, allow it. Breathe slowly and deeply, allowing yourself to feel whatever it is.
The Power of Expanded Awareness in Overcoming Leadership Pressure
Allowing ourselves the time and space to expand our awareness — to see ourselves deeply, to feel deeply — opens us to greater clarity about what, at times, has been impacting us, or what may impact us in the future.
With this awareness, we stand a much better chance of seeing it and addressing it rather than having it control us. We may even find that as we get out of our own way, avenues where we previously felt stuck open right up.
Leading a business is hard enough without adding self-induced pressure that impedes our ability to do our jobs as CEOs. It is well worth the time and effort required to learn the discipline of seeing inside ourselves more clearly. Doing so is a key step in evolving into more conscious leaders.
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